想象一下，一个女人回到家, Imagine a woman coming home
惊讶地发现她的丈夫正用一根冰棒鼓捣自己的粑粑 and surprising her husband inspecting his own shit with a popsicle stick.
想象一下，丈夫沉迷其中而无法自拔 Imagine that this man never comes out of his self-absorption.
想象一下，她不得不将他送去一家地处北部的精神病院 Imagine that she has to admit him into a mental clinic in the north of the country.
我们的故事正是从第二天开始的。 Our story begins precisely the next day.
第一章 骗人的婚礼 CHAPTER 1 The Deceitful Wedding
你想听我的人生故事吗？ Do you want to hear my life story?
开玩笑而已,调节下气氛。 Just kidding. To break the ice.
去马德里的路很长。 It's a long trip to Madrid.
我叫安格尔·萨纳古斯丁 My name's Ángel Sanagustín.
我是国际诊所的精神病医生 I'm a psychiatrist at the International Clinic.
我昨天很晚才看到你,是吗？ I saw you there yesterday very late. True?
抱歉，我叫赫尔加。很高兴认识你。 Sorry, my name's Helga. Nice to meet you.
很高兴认识你 Nice to meet you.
我不知道克雷斯波医生是否跟你谈过我 I don't know if Dr. Crespo spoke to you about me.
我正在研究书面表达在人格障碍诊断中的应用 I'm working on the applications of written discourse on the diagnosis of personality disorder.
我们让病人写下他们生命中的一段故事 We ask the patient to write down an episode in their life,
我们分析他的叙述并作出诊断。 we analyze its narrative and make a diagnosis.
我们也非常荣幸地将和您丈夫一起合作 We'll do it with your husband too and with great pleasure too.
我也喜欢研究短信 Texts by coprophagists are my favorites,
千奇百怪的叙述都有 their narratives are the most curious.
事实上 In fact,
这有个案例 in this file
是一组精神分裂症和妄想症患者的短信 I have a set of texts by patients with schizophrenia and paranoid disorders.
稍后，如果你愿意，我读点给你听 Later, if you like, I'll read you some.
例如，患有精神分裂症的病人 Patients with hebephrenic schizophrenia, for example,
明显倾向于讲述自己的人生故事 show a marked tendency to tell their own life story
但每次他们叙述的都不同 but each time they do it differently,
所以他们的性格是由一系列叠加的故事组成的， so their personality consists of a string of superimposed stories,
就像洋葱一样。 like the layers of an onion.
当我们意识到的时候， By the time we realize it,
我们虽然不能全天候观察一个人 we don't have a personality as such to study
但是通过一系列的故事，一个接一个的叙述， but a collection of stories, one narrative after another,
就基本了解清楚了 beneath which there is no person.
我告诉你 I'm going to tell you
我和一个病人之间发生了什么事 something that happened to me with a patient
他本该被永远关起来的。 who should've been locked up for good.
他不是精神分裂症，而是多疑。 He wasn't schizophrenic, but paranoid.
不像精神分裂症患者 Unlike the schizophrenic,
偏执的病人总是注意外界刺激， the paranoid patient is always attentive to external stimuli,
在他们之间建立错误的联系。 establishing erroneous links between them.
偏执狂的故事很危险。 Paranoids' stories can be very dangerous.
马丁 Martín.
马丁 乌莱斯 德贝达，这是他的名字。 Martín Urales de Úbeda, that was his name.
名字说明了一切，不是吗？ The name says it all, doesn't it?
充满魅力,令人着迷 His seductive power was hypnotic.
你被绑架过吗？ Have you ever been kidnapped?
在他绑架我之前， Before he kidnapped me,
我花了很长时间找他。 I'd spent a long time looking for him.
我不认识他，但我听说过他。 I didn't know him, but I'd heard about him.
我听说他说服人们 I was told that he convinced people
把自己扔进垃圾车里。 to throw themselves into garbage trucks.
事实上，他就那样死了，碎成渣了 In fact, he died like that, crushed.
如果你愿意，我说给你听 If you like, I'll tell you about it.
这要从我和妻子搬家开始说起 Alright, it started when my wife and I moved
我们在加拉帕加的一个住宅区买了房子。 and bought a house on a residential estate in Galapagar.
我们只是按章办事 We're just following the rules.
他们负责居民日常的垃圾收集 And they cover daily garbage collection, the residents' garbage.
我是住院医生... I am a resident.
最近刚开始,你比我更清楚 But only recently. You know better than I do
这垃圾不是你的。 that this garbage isn't yours.
如果是的话，我和我的朋友会用卡车装上运走。 If it were, my friend and I would load the truck and haul it away.
但我重复一遍，这是公共通道。 But I repeat, this is for Public Thoroughfares.
他们必须就垃圾清理达成协议， They have to come to an agreement with Garbage Removal,
也许他们认为这是我们的工作。 maybe they think it's our job.
你好,安格尔·萨纳古斯丁？我有一封证明信给你。 Hello. Ángel Sanagustín? I have a certified letter for you.
请在这里签名。 If you'd kindly sign here, please.
好的 Yes.
-谢谢。-谢谢。 - Thank you. - Thanks.
信上写道： The letter read, quote:
亲爱的安格尔·萨纳古斯丁， Dear Ángel Sanagustín,
我父亲最大的梦想 my father's greatest dream was that
就是希望我弟弟马丁能进入穆尔西亚的圣 哈维尔军事学院 my brother Martín might enter San Javier Military Academy, Murcia.
虽然我弟弟没有打电话来取悦我父亲， Though my brother had no calling to please my father,
但他加入了学院，成为了一名士兵 he joined the academy and became a soldier.
他每周都给我们写信，我父亲读了又读 He wrote us letters every week that my father read and re-read
靠着客厅的窗户,坐在他的轮椅上 in his wheelchair by the sitting room window.
我父亲是瘫痪的 My father was paralyzed,
他的腿被炸飞了 his legs had been blown off in a bombing
毕业后不久， Shortly after graduating
科索沃爆发了战争，他被派往那里。 the war broke out in Kosovo and he was sent there.
他不停地从那里寄信过来 He kept sending letters from there,
但变得越来越神秘。 but they became increasingly more enigmatic.
一个晴朗的日子，毫无征兆地 One fine day, without warning
我弟弟断了和我们的一切联系。 my brother cut off all communication with us.
他消失了。 He disappeared.
就好像大地把他吞没了。 It was as if the ground had swallowed him up.
马丁 Martín!
我的儿子 My son.
他们把我赶出来了。 They threw me out.
哪里出来？ Out of where?
空军。 The Air Force.
坐下 Sit down.
怎么了，马丁？ What happened, Martín?
你知道我被派往科索沃的一家军事医院。 You know I was posted to a military hospital in Kosovo.
那是一家他们伪装成酒店的医院 It was a hotel they'd fitted out as a hospital.
一座巨大的老建筑。 A huge, old building.
这个经营健身房的女孩 This girl who ran the gym
爱上了她的心理学家，一个叫曼纽尔的人。 fell in love with her psychologist, a guy called Manuel.
他们结婚了，他放弃了心理学 They got married, he gave up psychology
和她一起搬进了健身房的办公室。 and moved into an office in the gym with her.
药快用完了。 The medicine was running out.
电气设备停止工作。 The electrical devices stopped working.
食物和水短缺。 There was a shortage of food and water.
死亡人数在上升。 The number of deaths was rising.
…她偶然发现的 ...she found out by chance
曼纽尔不是心理学家，其实是个兽医。 that Manuel wasn't a psychologist, but a vet.
她是怎么发现的，我改天再告诉你 How she found out, I'll tell you some other time,
现在不重要 it's not important now.
她走进办公室要求解释 ... She went into her office to ask for an explanation...
其中一个大厅改造成了孤儿院。 One of the halls was turned into an orphanage.
从一个小洞里往女更衣室看,裤子半吊在腿上，一只眼睛 ... ...looking through a little hole leading to the women's changing room, with his pants down and one eye...
它是由Linares博士建立的。 It was set up by Dr. Linares.
她亲手完成这件事真是奇迹， It was a miracle that she'd done it with her own hands,
但当时情况很糟糕。 but it was in a terrible state.
你先走 I'll catch up.
-需要帮忙吗 ...？-非常感谢。 - If I may...? - Thanks a lot.
这地方真是个奇迹。 It's a miracle this place exists.
你在这里的工作太棒了。你一定感到很骄傲 Your work here is incredible. You must be proud.
我们只是尽我们所能罢了 We do what we can with the means we have.
如果其他我能帮上忙 ... If I can help in any way...
我很感激，但除非你是百万富翁 ... I appreciate it, but unless you're a millionaire...
我们需要的是一大笔钱。 What we need here is a big injection of money.
正如我的一个朋友所说，钱是我最大的财富。 As a friend of mine said, money's what I have most of.
还需要一百件什么吗? Do you have a hundred of anything?
我们会在上班前去吃早餐 We'd meet for breakfast before our shifts.
或者结束后去散散步。 Or go for a walk when we were done.
她会告诉我最近一个死去的孩子的事 She'd tell me about the latest child to die
还有医院的状况，越来越令人担忧了。 and about the state of the hospital,which was more and more worrying.
几个月过去了 The months flew by.
直到有一天一切都变了。 Until one day it all changed.
这叫“脑叶切开术”。 It's called "Lobotomy".
它假设电视屏幕上的一切 It hypothesizes that everything on the TV screen
是有剧本的小说。 is fiction with a script.
例如，游戏参与者是 For example, game show participants are actors
假装紧张但知道结局的演员。 who pretend to be nervous but know how it ends.
足球比赛，进球，犯规 ... The football games, the goals, the fouls...
-怎么回事？你做了什么？-我现在不能说话，马丁。 - What happened? How did you do it? - I can't talk now, Martín.
我们结束后就回来。我很好奇。 I'll come back when we're finished. I'm dying of curiosity.
今天不行。 I can't today.
你没事吧？ Are you alright?
你知道医院就是我的一切 You know that I live and breathe for the hospital.
这对我来说是最重要的。 It's the most important thing for me.
你也知道他们拒绝提供资金，我们就要关门了。 You also know they denied funding and we were about to close down.
你亲眼看到一些孩子死去 You yourself saw some of those children die.
所以 That's why...
我决定卖淫。 I decided to prostitute myself.
我从北约领导人那里选择了我的客户， I chose my clients from NATO leaders,
教皇随行人员， members of the Papal entourage,
联合国观察员… UN observers...
以及非政府组织的最高代表 and top representatives of NGOs.
几个月来，赚了一些钱 For a few months there was a bit more money,
足够到不用 ... enough to not...
放弃 give it up,
但不足以满足我们的需求。 but not enough to cover our needs.
直到有一天晚上 ... Until one night...
她有个客户来看她。 She got a visit from a certain client.
我们叫他 ... We'll call him...
克里斯托 巴尔德 拉霍兹。 Cristóbal de la Hoz.
我想告诉你一件事。 I wanted to tell you something.
我知道一个组织 I have a group of,
或者叫他们一群“非常强大”的朋友们， let's say, "very powerful" friends,
在慈善事务上有很大影响力 ... with a lot of influence in charitable matters who...
很乐意帮助你。 would be delighted to help you.
好的，给他们我的号码。 Sure, give them my number.
不 No.
我不是那个意思。 I don't mean that.
如果你把北约的补贴加起来， If you add up NATO subsidies,
欧盟和教会， the E.U. and the Church,
这群朋友一年能给你带来两亿多比塞塔。 this group of friends could get you over 200 million pesetas a year.
作为交换 In exchange for...
一个月一个孤儿。 one orphan a month.
你走吧 Get out.
好好想想。 Think it over.
但医院是不可持续的。 But the hospital was unsustainable.
孩子们都快死了， Children were dying,
我服务的钱只够买点食物 the money from my services only covered food.
一个孤儿。 One orphan at random.
一个月 Every month.
你什么都不用担心。 You needn't worry about a thing.
他们会处理好一切的。 They'll take care of everything.
我会和他们谈谈，就这样。 I'll talk to them and that's that.
你是为他们做的。 You did it for them.
你救了很多人，别忘了。 You saved a lot of lives, don't forget that.
你曾经问过我孤儿的事。 You once asked me about the orphans.
我告诉过你他们是卖给领养家庭的， I told you they were sold to families,
但是 but...
那天晚上我和这些朋友在一起 ... The other night I was with these friends...
如果你不想说你对孩子们做了什么 ... If you don't want to say what you do with the children...
是的，有点好奇。 Well, a little curious, yes.
但无论如何 ... But anyway...
当我没说好了 I didn't say anything.
你什么意思？ What do you mean?
这是你第三次问了。 It's the third time you've asked.
我都忘了 I didn't realize.
就是有点好奇
你真的想知道我们怎么对待孩子吗？ Do you really want to know what we do with the children?
来吧 Come on.
我带你去看看。 I'll show you.
向左转 To the left.
轻松点,马上就开始了 Get comfortable. It'll start in a minute.
假设这是一家公司 Let's say this is direction control.
这家公司有三个收入来源。 This business has three income sources.
一方面，视频中的明星 On one hand, the star of the video
在那房间里待一个小时是很值得的。 pays a fortune to be in that room for an hour.
另一方面，拍一段色情视频, One the other, a pornographic video is made
面部经过后期处理下就可以在全世界范围内传播 that's distributed worldwide, with the faces digitally altered.
这些视频都有专门的网页，收费很高。 There are specialist pages that pay very well for the videos.
好的 Yes.
现在? Now?
现在开始 Of course, yes.
好 Okay.
我们得出去一会儿。 We have to go out for a moment.
一会儿就回来。 I won't be long.
一切都好吗？ Everything alright?
很好 Fine.
你好? Yes?
克里斯托巴尔。 Cristóbal.
你好吗？ How are you?
我不反对公园，但为什么在这里见我？ I've got nothing against parks, but why meet me here?
你做了什么？ What have you done?
我做了什么？ What have I done?
你们干了什么？ What are you people doing?
你知道他们对孩子们做了什么吗？ Did you know what they were doing to the children?
我什么都知道。 I know everything.
太野蛮了。 It's barbaric.
不是我们说好的！ It's not what we agreed!
小声点。 Lower your voice.
你怎么能做这种事？ How could you do something like this?
怎么可以? How could you?
钱，克里斯托巴尔。 Money, Cristóbal.
这就是你在找却似乎不明白的原因。 It's the reason you're looking for and don't seem to understand.
我是市场经济专业人士。 I'm a professional in the market economy.
我受过从原材料中获取最大利益的训练。 I was trained to extract maximum benefit from raw material.
虽然拍摄死亡比卖淫或敲诈更赚钱， Though filming death makes a higher profit than prostitution or blackmail,
但没有什么能比得上制药公司为这些内脏付出的代价。 nothing is comparable to the price paid by drug companies for the entrails.
我们大价钱把内脏卖给一家为鹅做特殊食物的公司 We're selling the innards for a fortune to a company that makes special food for geese.
干净利落的尸体 The clean, gutted bodies
再找一个古怪的纽约艺术家 go to an eccentric New York artist
把它们卖给真正欣赏超现实主义艺术的纽约新潮人士。 who sells them to New York trendies who truly appreciate this guy's hyper-realist art.
目前,当局什么也不说 The authorities say nothing for now
因为我们降低了年轻人的失业率 because we lower youth unemployment
他们也象征性地参与了这项事业。 and they participate symbolically in the business.
至于你 ... As for you...
怎么说呢？ What can I tell you?
你有大麻烦了。 You're in big trouble.
他们会全球搜捕你 They'll search the planet for you.
当然，他们会找到你的。 And they'll find you, of course.
谁知道呢? Who knows?
也许你的最终归宿是纽约的一家美术馆。 Maybe you'll end up in a New York art gallery.
送你一句话 I'll put in a word for you.
毕竟他们是朋友。 They're friends, after all.
我会尽量让他们别把你的眼球挖出来， I'll try to get them not to rip out your eyeballs which,
干透了，可以用来擦钢笔和墨水。 well dried, make wonderful erasers for pen and printing ink.
我会让他们至少留下你的眼睛。 I'll get them to at least leave your eyes.
来吧，拥抱一个 Come on, give me a hug.
我不想 ... I didn't want to...
在你不知道的情况下消失。 disappear without you knowing all this.
我不想被解剖 I don't want to be stuffed.
我想我可能是下一个。 I suppose I could be next.
我也不介意， And I wouldn't mind,
既然我知道他们的所作所为是我的错，那就帮我个忙。 it'd be a favor now that I know that what they did is my fault.
不，不是你的错。 No, it wasn't your fault.
这里 Here.
这是我办公室储物柜的钥匙 This is the key to a locker in my office
里面有医院的所有文件， with all the hospital's papers,
如果我出了什么事，你可以负责一切。 so you can take charge of it all if something happens to me.
我相信你不会有事的。 Nothing will happen to you, I'm sure of it.
那是我最后一次见到她 That was the last time I saw her.
我向上级报告，但他们说我疯了 I reported it to my superiors, but they said I was insane
让我忘掉它。 and told me to forget it.
我拒绝了。 I refused.
他们指控我不服从命令，把我开除了 They charged me with insubordination, threw me out of the service
然后把我送进精神病院。 and put me in a psych hospital.
我的儿子 My son!
说谎 Lies!
我一个字都不信！ I don't believe a word of it!
从那天起， From that day on,
我父亲就不说话了,一直凝视着窗外 my father kept to himself and devoted his life to staring out the window
或者在斗牛日坐在露台上看着过往行人， or sitting on the patio watching the people go by on bullfight days,
那时我们的街道也变热闹了。 when our street was a bit livelier.
直到有一天吃了一顿下午的点心后,他死了 Until death took him one day after an afternoon snack.
不久后，我母亲因悲伤而死。 My mother died of grief a short time later.
现在特勤局想除掉马丁 Now the Secret Service wants to obliterate Martín,
剥夺他的公民权利，他们说他疯了 take away his civil rights, and they're saying he's mad
说服人们把自己扔进垃圾车里。 and persuades people to throw themselves into garbage trucks.
希望你对这个案子感兴趣. I hope this case interests you.
我都说完了. I've nothing more to say.
您真诚的， 阿米莉亚·乌拉尔斯·德贝达 Yours sincerely,Amelia Urales de Úbeda.
说实话，这封信听起来确实很奇怪。 The letter did sound odd, to be honest.
但它吸引了我太多 But it drew me in so much
我决定追查这个女人住在哪里。 that I decided to track down where this woman lived.
“…把他的一生都献给了坐在露台上” "...devoted his life to sitting on the patio
在斗牛日看人们表演， and watching people on bullfight days,
当我们的街道变得更热闹的时候 when our street got a little livelier."
信上就是这么说的。 That's what the letter said.
那女人住在一栋矮楼里，有一个露台， The woman had lived in a lower house, with a patio,
拉斯文塔斯斗牛场附近。 near Las Ventas bullring.
事实上整件事都可能是个故事， It's true that the whole thing could've been a story,
但如果我们这样想，我们一生什么都没做过。 but if we think like that, we never do anything in life.
我花了好几天的时间来 I spent days looking for
寻找阿米莉亚·乌拉尔斯·德贝达不存在的房子。 the non-existent house of Amelia Urales de Úbeda.
但它确实存在 But it did exist.
我经过好几次都没注意到。 I'd passed it several times and never noticed it.
就像它突然凭空出现一样。 It was like it suddenly appeared.
21岁，马丁内斯·伊兹奎尔多 21, Martínez Izquierdo.
如果你愿意的话，可以查一下，这不是我编的。 You can check it if you like, I'm not making it up.
你好? Hello?
你好,你是阿米莉亚吗？ Hello. Are you Amelia?
我是安格尔·萨纳古斯丁。 I'm Ángel Sanagustín.
你给我写了一封关于你弟弟案子的信。 You wrote me this letter about your brother's case.
- 如果可能的话，我想见他。- 安格尔·萨纳古斯丁。 - I'd like to meet him, if possible. - Ángel Sanagustín.
抱歉，没想到你会来。 Sorry, I wasn't expecting you.
不，是我没事先通知 ... No, it's my fault for coming unannounced...
我没有你的电话号码。 I didn't have your phone number.
你的信描述了房子，我就是这样找到你的。 Your letter described the house, that's how I found you.
好,好 Sure, sure.
我弟弟现在不在，但我想他马上就回来了 My brother's not in right now, but I don't think he'll be long.
-哦,这样啊。-你可以在里面等。 - Oh, dear. - You can wait inside if you like.
-你不介意吗？-请进。 - You don't mind? - Please, come in.
-你真好。-进来吧。 - Very kind of you. - Come in.
气味来自管道。 The smell is from the pipes.
这些老房子,你知道的 These old houses, you know?
很漂亮，但维护起来很贵。 Very pretty and all that, but so expensive to maintain.
嗯 Sure.
我想我弟弟不会太久的， I don't think my brother will be long,
尽管和他在一起你也不知道。 though with him you never know.
没关系，我不急。 Never mind, I'm in no hurry.
-没必要。-不客气！ - There's no need. - Please!
非常感谢。 Thanks very much.
原谅我不开灯， Forgive me if I don't turn on the lights,
我们的线路有点问题。 we have a little wiring problem.
那么 Well...
你觉得我的信怎么样？ What did you think of my letter?
非常吸引人 Intriguing.
这里,轮椅在这位置 There, sitting in his wheelchair,
我父亲坐着看我弟弟寄来的信。 my father read the letters my brother sent.
穿过那扇门 Through that door
他穿着中尉的制服出现，胳膊不见了。 he appeared in the uniform of a lieutenant, missing an arm.
看那 And look,
这就我弟弟被赶出军队时，我父亲弄坏的桌子。 the table my father broke when my brother was thrown out of the army.
这些裂缝,你可以看看。 Look at the crack. You can take a look.
他把它撕成碎片了。 He left it in splinters.
这桌子太好看了,可惜我没钱修 I have no money to fix it. A shame, it's quite lovely.
确实不错 Lovely, yes.
现在即使我有钱，我也不会修好它。 Though even if I had money, I wouldn't fix it.
这也算一种缅怀我父亲的方式，你觉得呢？ It's a way of remembering my father, don't you think?
是的 Yes, it is.
那是我爸爸撞到屋顶时撞到我弟弟头上的那个包。 That's the croquette that hit my brother's head when my dad hit the roof.
我真是个恋物癖。 I'm quite the fetishist.
你喜欢吗？ Do you like it?
-什么？-酒。 - What? - The liquor.
喜欢 Yes.
我自己酿的 I make it myself.
很不错 Oh, it's very good.
很烈,但是不错 Strong, but very good.
我做些香肠给你 I'll get you some sausage I also make.
帮你缓缓 To help you get it down.
-别客气,别客气！-没必要。 - Please! - There's no need.
请自便,别客气! Sit down! Make yourself comfortable!
香肠好了 I make this sausage too.
味道不错 It's very nice sausage.
很高兴你能来，阿古斯丁先生。 I'm so glad you've come, Mr. Sanagustín.
叫我安格尔就可以 Call me Ángel, please.
我很高兴，因为 ... I'm so glad, because...
我有件事想告诉你。 there's something I wanted to tell you.
什么 Yes?
是的 Yes.
我说谎了 I lied to you.
真的 Really?
我弟弟从未参过军 My brother was never a soldier.
不是我骗了你， It's not that I deceived you,
是他欺骗了我们很久。 he was deceiving us all for a very long time.
在我信里写的唯一的事实是他的独臂。 Of everything I said in the letter, the only truth is that he's one-armed.
在穆尔西亚的圣 哈维尔军事学院拒绝他的那天，一切都出了岔子 Everything went awry the day they rejected him from San Javier Military Academy in Murcia.
他打算一年后重考。 He intended to re-do the exam a year later.
在那之前，他搬进了一家旅馆，做了个清洁工 Until then he moved into a hostel and got work as a garbageman.
同时，他给我们写了描述军营生活的信 Meanwhile, he wrote us the letters describing barracks life
我父亲很享受这一切 that my father enjoyed so much.
一年过去了，他又没通过考试。 A year went by and he failed the exam again.
第二年，还是没过 The next year, the same thing.
在他意识到之前，马丁只是住在穆尔西亚的清洁工 Before he knew it, Martín was a garbageman living in Murcia.
一开始是善意的谎言，拖延时间 What began as a white lie, a postponement,
最终成为了一个决定。 ended up being a decision.
直到一次意外,断了一只手 He lost his arm one night when he wasn't on the ball.
现在，沮丧，一只手， And now, depressed, one-armed,
拿着糟糕的退休金， with a shitty pension,
他和我住在这里。 he's living here with me.
别太难过了 Take it easy.
别难过，没事了 Take it easy, it's alright.
现在，回头看， Now, looking back,
我很惊讶之前没意识到， I'm surprised I didn't realize before,
我没有 but I didn't.
别难过了 Take it easy.
别难过，没事了 Take it easy, it's alright.
Well...
Well, well...
该死的 No fucking way.
抱歉开了个玩笑。我忍住很久了。 Sorry about the joke. I think I kept it going too long.
我一个人住了太久了 I've been living alone so long.
现在我把窃听器都盖好了，我们可以谈了。 Now I've covered the mics, we can talk.
我早该猜到的。 I should've guessed.
不，不要暴露自己的短处 No, don't sell yourself short.
他们比我强大得多，也还没找到我。 They're much more powerful and they still haven't found me.
谁 Who?
他们，清洁工。 Them, the garbagemen.
他们跟踪你。 They followed you.
不,不 No!
我就知道那不是管道。 I knew it wasn't the pipes.
八年没有扔垃圾了。 8 years without throwing out the garbage.
你不能指望它有玫瑰的味道。 You can't expect it to smell of roses.
如果你弄出声，我就揍扁你 If you make a noise, I'll punch you
你知道卡车上的人是谁吗？ Do you know who those people in the truck are?
清洁工 Garbagemen.
你TMD根本不知道这世界是怎么回事。 You got no fucking idea what's going on in the world.
-没有？-不，所以我才让你来。 - No? - No, that's why I made you come.
你让我来？ You made me come?
你不知道找到你有多难。 You don't know how hard it was to find you.
我假装是我姐姐寄给你的信帮不上忙？ The letter I sent pretending to be my sister didn't help?
我留下的线索没有帮助吗？ The clues I left were no help?
看在他妈的份上，安格尔！ For fuck's sake, Ángel!
我带你来是因为你是被选中的人。 I brought you because you're the chosen one.
你值得信赖， You're trustworthy,
因为多年来你一直在用一次性剃须刀， because for years you've been using disposable razors,
尽管他们已经推出了三四个刀片的剃须刀。 even though they've brought out triple or quadruple razors.
你是个理想主义者 You're an idealist
因为你不吃转基因食品。 because you don't eat transgenic foods.
你很固执， You're tenacious and persistent,
你的南瓜籽壳证明了这一点。 your pumpkin seed shells prove it.
最重要的 And, above all,
最重要的是，安格尔， above all, Ángel,
你很勇敢 you're brave
因为你喝很多咖啡。 because you drink loads of coffee.
-你偷看了我的垃圾？-当然。 - You spied on my garbage? - Of course.
-为什么？-睁开眼睛。 - What for? - To open your eyes.
你以为我用这棉花和头盔是因为我疯了。 You think I use this cotton and this helmet because I'm mad.
但我没有，安格尔。 But I'm not mad, Ángel.
他们给我装了窃听器和识别芯片。 They put mics and an identification chip in me.
-谁？-上面的人。 - Who? - The people up there.
-清洁工？-他们不是清洁工！ - The garbagemen? - They're not garbagemen!
对 Right.
那他们是什么，马丁？ Then what are they, Martín?
政治警察。 Political police.
放尊重点 Have a little respect.
忘了我姐姐告诉你的一切。 Forget everything my sister told you.
让你的脑子放空，仔细听。 Let your mind go blank and listen carefully.
我当了五年清洁工。 I was a garbageman for 5 years.
但你不是说你姐姐说的都是谎话吗？ But didn't you say that everything your sister said was a lie?
不，我是说忘了我姐姐告诉你的一切， No. I said to forget everything my sister told you,
让你的头脑放空,仔细聆听。 to let your mind go blank and to listen carefully.
你要仔细听吗？ Are you going to listen carefully?
-是的。-很好。 - Yes. - Good.
我当了五年清洁工。 I was a garbageman for 5 years.
开始的时候，我被分配到一辆卡车上 When I started,I was assigned to a truck
和两个同事，帕科·普拉特罗 with two colleagues, Paco Platero...
还有哥特 and Gota.
这工作是例行公事，令人不快。 The work was routine and unpleasant.
有些混蛋不会把袋子包好 Some fuckers don't shut their bags right
当你把它倒进卡车时，所有的东西就都落在你身上了 and when you tip it into the truck,all the shit falls on you.
该死的 Fucking hell...
同事们也一直这样工作 Then your colleagues are always going on about it,
我们受够了去捡别人的屎了 that we're sick of picking up people's shit...
我受够了捡别人的屎。 I'm sick of picking up people's shit, man.
…这是有史以来最糟糕的工作… ...that it's the worst job ever...
这是有史以来最糟糕的工作 This is the worst job ever.
…这是最差的报酬… ...that it's the worst paid...
…这是最差的报酬… And the worst paid!
…它不被社会重视… ...that it's not valued by society...
当人们安睡的时候，他们不知道我们在做什么。 People don't realize what we do, while they're sleeping peacefully.
混蛋 Bastards!
还有全身的气味 Then there's the smell.
无论你用什么手套和特殊衣服， No matter what gloves and special clothes you use,
你的头发和皮肤都有臭味， the stink gets in your hair and skin,
没办法清除 there's no way to get it out.
前两周是最糟糕的， The first two weeks are the worst,
我告诉你，你觉得你会因为臭气疯掉的， you think you'll go crazy with the stink, I'm telling you
但渐渐也就习惯了。 but then you get used to it.
然后你会发现公司会自己往垃圾桶里喷洒一种恶臭的气体 And then you discover that the company itself is spraying the dumpsters with an unbearable stench
我们这些清洁工每天都接触到的难以忍受的恶臭， that we, the garbagemen, touch every day,
以此疏远我们的社交关系，增加我们的怨恨。 to alienate us socially and increase our resentment.
我认为，在时机成熟时， The idea is that, when the time comes,
你会毫无保留地接受老板秘密告诉你的话： you'll accept without reservations what your bosses tell you in secret:
真正的任务。 the real task.
真正的任务? The real task?
真正的任务。 The real task.
卡车不会碾碎垃圾。 The trucks don't grind the garbage.
他们把它藏起来。 They store it.
一切都从每个包的标识开始 It all starts with the identification of each bag.
有一定的误差 There's a margin of error,
但通常最后一个摸到包的人是包的主人。 but usually the last person to touch the bag is the owner.
塑料袋作为指纹收集者，非常棒。 The plastic the bags are made of preserve fingerprints wonderfully.
当它们与垃圾匹配时， When they match them with the waste,
我们就找到了垃圾的主人。 we have the owner of the garbage.
家家户户都有一份文件， Every resident has a file,
来自历史的,细致的垃圾分析 with a history and a detailed analysis of the waste.
所以他们才不在你家收垃圾 That's why they didn't collect the garbage at your house.
它会伪造你的档案的。 It would've falsified your file.
你的案子只是系统中的一个小问题。 Your case was a blip in the system.
在更先进的国家，这是由公民来完成的 In the more advanced countries, this is done by the citizens,
他们把自己的垃圾分开分类， who separate and classify their own garbage,
自认为是在改善环境。 believing that they're improving the environment.
但是这里不行 But not here, no.
无意间，我们给情报中心制造了麻烦 Unintentionally, we make it hard for the intelligence center.
第三世界的心态一定有优势 There had to be some advantage to the Third World mentality.
他们能发现你的品味，你的恐惧， They can find out your tastes, your phobias,
你如何处理经济问题，你如何投票，你的性生活， how you survive financially, how you vote, your sex life,
你的梦想，你的情绪 ...一切。 your dreams, your moods... Everything.
他们什么都知道。 They know everything.
我是唯一离开公司的清洁工 I'm the only garbageman to leave the company
从那以后我就一直在逃亡。 and since then I've been on the run.
我发现他们给我植入了窃听器， I discovered they'd implanted microphones in me,
在我的鼻孔里， in my nostrils,
还有我大脑皮层的磁性金属。 and magnetic metals in my cerebral cortex.
我不能去普拉多博物馆。 I can't go into the Prado Museum.
所以我冒充我姐姐躲在这里， So I passed myself off as my sister and hid out here,
在超市不买任何东西，不产生任何浪费， buying nothing at the supermarket, not generating any waste,
尽我所能用我的尿液和粪便给自己喂食。 feeding myself the best I can on my urine and feces.
你吃的酒和香肠好吃吗？ Wasn't the liquor and sausage you ate nice?
我们有很多偏见。 We have a lot of prejudices.
他这么说的时候，我一定做了个鬼脸， When he said that, I must've made a face,
跟你现在做的很像。 much like the one you're making now.
他说他讨厌别人那样看他， He said he was sick of being looked at like that,
所有人都那样看着他。 of everyone looking at him like that.
他说：“现在，我会证明我是对的。” He said: "Right now, I'll show you I'm right."
他把我绑起来，堵住我的嘴 He tied me up, gagged me
然后从后门带我出去。 and took me outside by the back door.
很多混蛋不会把袋子包好，你会习惯的。 Lots of fuckers don't shut their bags right, you'll get used to it.
我们要上卡车了，你亲眼看看。 We're getting into a truck so you see with your own eyes.
放松，就一会儿。 Relax, it's just a moment.
现在 Now!
我不知道我做了什么，抓住了什么， I don't know what I did, what I grabbed on to,
肾上腺素飙升 adrenaline is wonderful.
在最后一刻 At the last moment,
他绊倒了，松开了我 he tripped and let go of me.
我在外面摔倒了，他在里面摔倒了。 I fell down outside and he fell inside.
我还活着。。 I'm still alive...
…然后他就永远消失了。 ...and he vanished forever.
你饿了吗？ Are you hungry?
我通常会去酒吧买个三明治。 I usually get down here and buy a sandwich at the bar.
我给你拿一个。火腿和奶酪？沙拉？ I'll get you one. Ham and cheese? Salad?
-好吧，但我会付钱的。-不，没必要。 - Okay, but I'll pay. - No, no need.
我请客。 My treat.
等一下！我马上就回来 I'll be right back.
第二章 人 CHAPTER 2 People
赫尔加·帕托的问题在于 Helga Pato's problem with people
她把叙述者和作者混为一谈 was that she confused narrators with authors
有时后者也是个角色 and sometimes the latter with characters.
当她在书展上遇见W时， When she met W at the Book Fair,
她是个独立编辑 she was an independent editor
他是一位深受左翼欢迎的著名作家。 and he was a famous writer popular with the left wing.
W立刻感觉到她裤子下面有股强大的力量 W at once perceived a powerful groin under her pants,
他没有致辞，而是写了一个地址。 and instead of a dedication, he wrote an address.
她相信在那一刻，一个爱情故事开始了 She believed at that moment a love story was beginning
一个年轻的编辑要和她最喜欢的作家住在一起 about a young editor who was going to live with her favorite author
在马德里摩天大楼的顶层。 on the top floor of a Madrid skyscraper.
她相信她爱上了她最喜欢的作家 ... She believed she was falling in love with her favorite writer...
今天我们有幸与《丛林》的作者交谈。 Today we have pleasure of speaking to the author of "Jungle".
…但她真正的爱上的是叙述者 ... ...but she'd actually fallen in love with the narrator...
如果你能成为丛林动物，你会选哪个？ If you could be a jungle animal, which would you choose?
捕食者。 A predator.
…和一个角色一起生活。 ...and gone to live with a character.
在这最后一次浪漫失败后，赫尔加·帕托辞职了， ... After this last romantic failure, Helga Pato quit her job,...
领养了一条狗，叫宾果， adopted a dog, called it Pingo,
决定不再和男人有任何关系。 and decided never to have anything to do with a man again.
我的事情开始于一条“101达尔马提亚狗”。 My thing began as "101 Dalmatians".
后来发生的一切， Everything that happened later,
我第一次见到他就料到了， I could've foreseen from the first day I met him,
因为万物都是从一开始就存在的。 for all things are present in their beginnings.
嘿 Hey!
不！抱歉，她是我的。别管他们了。 No! Sorry, she's mine. Leave them be.
我想要一窝。 I wanted a litter.
我真的很喜欢狗。 I really love dogs.
我在家有足够的空间，我能应付。 I have plenty of room at home, I can handle it.
-你住在附近吗？-是的。 - Do you live in the neighborhood? - Yes.
就在附近。 Right nearby.
我在广场上有个售货亭。 I've got a kiosk on the square.
-真的吗？-是的。 - Really? - Yes.
如果你愿意，哪天过来。 Drop by one day if you like.
有一天我没别的事可做，所以我去了报摊看他。 One day I had nothing better to do, so I went to see him at the kiosk.
你好 Hello!
-你好。-你好吗？ - Hello. - How are you?
今天顾客不多。 Well, not many customers today.
前几天我在想，你没告诉我你狗的名字。 I was thinking the other day, you didn't tell me your dog's name.
-查拉？ - Charla?
查理塔 查拉。 Charlita, Charla.
我是埃米利奥。 And I'm Emilio.
我真是个白痴 ...我叫赫尔加。 I'm such an idiot... My name's Helga.
我本想让你进去的，但这地方有点像我家，知道吗？ I'd let you in, but this place is a bit like my home, you know?
如果有女人进来，就非比寻常了 It means a lot if a woman comes in.
了解,了解 Sure, sure.
当我去买面包或遛狗的时候，我会顺路过来。 When I went to buy bread or walk the dog, I'd stop by.
他会给我看狗杂志，谈论品种和杂交。 He'd show me dog magazines and talk about breeds and crosses.
狗的任务是玩耍和繁殖。 A dog's mission is to play and procreate.
显然我很喜欢宾果，我会问起查拉怀孕的事， Obviously I was fond of Pingo and I'd ask about Charla's pregnancy,
但没别的了。 but nothing more.
我想卖掉五只小狗中的四只。 I was thinking of selling four of the five pups.
除了这只 All but this one.
他叫埃尔维斯。 His name's Elvis.
抓住他 Hold him
我想把他给你。 I was thinking of giving him to you.
前提是你愿意做我的女朋友。 If you'll be my girlfriend.
你觉得呢 What do you say?
我们花了很多时间在报亭里。 We spent lots of time together in the kiosk.
这就是个工作，把你困劳在这里 That's the job for you, it really ties you down.
但我不介意。 But I didn't mind.
我在乎的是他这么快就厌倦了我。 What I minded was that he tired of me so quickly.
几个月后，他会让我一个人整天待在小亭里， After a few months he'd leave me alone all day in the kiosk
然后遛狗去卡萨德坎波。 while he'd walk the dogs to Casa de Campo.
一天晚上，在床上，他要求从后面做。 One night, in bed, he asked to do it from behind.
就像狗一样，他说。 Like dogs, he said.
像狗一样 Like dogs.
因为我们有一阵子没说话也没做任何事，我让步了。 As we hadn't talked for a while or done anything, I gave in.
如果你屈服一次，你就会永远屈服， And if you give in once, you do forever,
有时为了爱， sometimes for love,
有时是因为不安全，有时是因为害怕。 sometimes from insecurity, sometimes because you're scared.
一般来说，如果三个原因都不一样的话 Generally it's for all three reasons at the same time
这三个原因就会同时存在。 if all three aren't the same thing.
从那以后，我们再也没有面对面了。 After that we never did it face to face again.
有一天我想说不 One day I tried to say no.
不，埃米利奥，我今天不想这样。 No, Emilio, I don't feel like it that way today.
他离开了一个星期。 He was gone for a week.
我再也没有拒绝过。 I never said no again.
现在呻吟,像条狗一样，快叫 Now moan. Like a dog, do it.
就是这样,就是这样 That's it, that's it.
没错 That's it.
大点声 Higher, higher!
他整个星期都很好 He was very nice all week
送了我一份自从他给我埃尔维斯后的第一份礼物。 and gave me my first gift since he gave me Elvis.
这是什么 What's this?
送你的 For you.
等等 Wait!
2块2 2.20.
谢谢，回头见。 Thanks, see you later.
你没戴。 You're not wearing it.
我在家戴上，出门我就摘掉了 I put it on at home, but I take off to go out.
为什么总是穿上脱下？ Why put it on and take it off all the time?
戴着就好了 Leave it on.
有一天他说他会做午饭。 One day he said he'd make lunch.
他给自己买了桑劳卡大虾,给我炖肉。 He bought himself Sanlúcar prawns and gave me meat stew.
他说是炖肉。 He said it was meat stew.
说实话，还不错， It wasn't bad, to be honest,
但我更喜欢桑劳卡大虾。 but I would've preferred Sanlúcar prawns.
从那以后，他总是做食物。 From then on, he always made the food.
现在他甚至懒得隐藏炖肉是从哪里来的 Now he didn't even bother hiding where the stew came from.
今天，不用餐具吃了。 Today, eat it without cutlery.
你会喜欢的。 You'll love it.
今天我想你喜欢和他们一起吃饭。 Today I thought you'd like to eat with them.
不，埃米利奥，不。 No, Emilio, no.
但上面有你的名字和一切。 But it's got your name and everything.
并非如此 Not that.
为什么不要 Why not?
因为...不要 Because.
为什么不要 Why not?
因为...不要 Because.
为什么不要 Why not?
别笑我 Don't laugh at me.
你敢嘲笑我！ You're not laughing at me!
别笑我！ Don't you laugh at me!
直说吧，你不是在嘲笑我！ Get it straight, you're not laughing at me!
别笑我！ Don't you laugh at me!
你在看什么？贱货 What are you staring at? Shit!
别笑，这不是玩笑！ Don't laugh, this is not a joke!
他带着狗去了坎波家。 He took the dogs and went off to the Casa de Campo.
当你独自一人想一整天的时候 When you're alone, thinking the whole damn day,
很容易就找到了做不做的理由 it's easy to find reasons for doing something.
不管有多疯狂。 No matter how crazy it is.
当我告诉他我会做的时候， When I told him I'd do it,
他抱着我很久以来第一次， he put his arms around me and for the first time in ages,
他吻了我的嘴。 he kissed me on the muzzle.
变化是如此的缓慢 The changes had taken place so gradually
以至于,我竟没意识到他把我变成了一条狗。 that I didn't realize he'd turned me into a dog.
我放弃了我最后的底线 I'd ceded terrain that I was never going to recover.
这在生活中经常发生， That happens a lot in life,
尤其是一开始什么都不做的时候。 especially if you do nothing at the beginning.
赫尔加 Helga!
我一直在想 ... I've been thinking...
既然你住花园里，房子里还有更多的空间。 Now that you're in the garden there's more room in the house.
所以 And well...
我想 I thought that
我们可以养只小狗。 we could have a puppy.
我很高兴，因为我想也许是个孩子 I was so happy, because I thought maybe a child
会让我对他更有人性。 would make me more human for him.
埃尔维斯 Elvis!
不 No!
他别无选择，只能把我绑起来打我。 He had no choice but to tie me up and beat me.
看看她！看看她！ Look at her! Look at her!
看到她了吗？上啊，加油！ See her? Go for it, go on!
爱是一束间接的光， Love is a beam of indirect light,
一滴平静，信仰苏醒 a drop of peace, faith awakened,
空气中的嗡嗡声，雾中的一点， a hum in the air, a spot in the fog,
一个侧面，一个影子， a profile, a shadow,
暂停，期待。 a pause, expectation.
爱是一种轻柔的低语， Love is a soft murmur approaching,
远处的嗡嗡声，微风， a buzz from afar, a light breeze,
平静的声音，薄荷的香气， a voice in the calm, an aroma of mint,
然后，也许， and then, a perhaps,
一个“让我们看看”，一个目标。 a "let's see", a goal.
爱在空中和地面之间萌芽， Love sprouts between air and ground,
触手可及，睁眼可见 palpable and felt, and there are those who see it,
缓缓苏醒，渐渐想起， and it makes you awaken and think of it,
它轻轻地呼唤着你，轻拂你的肌肤。 and it calls you softly, brushing your skin.
爱催眠你，让你做梦， Love hypnotizes you, makes you dream,
梦想，屈服，放手， and you dream and you give in and let yourself go,
让你进入内心，让你变得更强大， it moves you inside, it makes you be more,
推动你，战胜你，从后面带走你。 it pushes you, overcomes you and takes you from behind.
突然间你站起来，浴火重生 And suddenly you rise, hurl yourself and burn,
你的灵魂在发光 there is light in your soul,
你的血管里燃烧着火焰， fire in your veins,
当你觉得自己被烧焦时会尖叫， it makes you scream when you feel you are burnt,
溶解你，蒸发你，毁灭你，创造你。 it dissolves you, evaporates you, destroys you, creates you.
你在时间的边缘旅行， It makes you travel on the edge of time,
上千个宇宙的河流， going up the rivers of a thousand universes,
带你走向荣耀，把你送到人间， and it takes you to glory, it delivers you to the earth,
看着你，想了又想 it looks at you, sees you, and thinks and thinks.
突然间，爱就像火焰的光芒 And suddenly love is the light of a flame
开始闪烁，然后熄灭。 that begins to flicker, then goes out.
这是一个迷失在雾中的小岛， It's a tiny island lost in the fog,
一滴，一个未知，一个污点，一个鬼脸。 a drop, an unknown, a blemish, a grimace.
爱是一片落在地上的叶子 Love is a leaf fallen on the ground,
海面上的一点，一片浓雾 a point on the sea, a thickening mist,
灵魂中的一个障碍，一个观望的太阳， a snag in the soul, a watching sun,
一个为什么，一个依赖，一个不再，一个抱怨。 a why, a depending, a no more, a whine.
爱来了，一个接一个， Love comes down, rung by rung,
双手合拢，步履蹒跚， hands closed, a weary pace,
它发问让你知道你是谁 it asks you who you are to let you know
它几乎不认识你，你想从中得到什么？ that it barely knows you: What do you want from it?
爱嘲讽你，嘲笑你， Love mocks you, laughs at you,
当你平静地跟随它，不知道该怎么做的时候， while you follow it calmly, not knowing what to do,
你现在就想跟着它说出来， and you wish to follow it and tell it now,
留下来，回来，犯个错。 to stay, to come back, to make a mistake.
爱阻碍了你伟大的想法， Love thwarts your grand ideas,
它摧毁你，让你心碎，让你心碎，让你心碎， it destroys, it breaks you, it splits you, it breaks you,
让你成为你不想成为的人， and makes you what you wanted not to be,
驱使你变得邪恶，把你变成狗屎。 it drives you to be evil and turns you to shit.
把你脸朝下扔进最后的地狱， It hurls you face down into the final hell,
撕碎你的灵魂，在你身上留下印记， rips out your soul, stamps on your body,
让你沉溺于一无所有的渴望中， drowns you in yearning to return to nothing,
突然就停了。 and suddenly it stops.
那晚我决定杀了他。 That night I decided to kill him.
我记得我最近读过一本书 I remembered a book I'd read recently
提到过异常血压， that mentioned Anarbital,
一种强力镇定剂，不会留下任何痕迹 a powerful tranquilizer that left no trace
我可以在网上不用处方就拿到。 and that I could get without prescription on the Internet.
一天晚上，我在埃米利奥的饮料里放了10毫升的血压药。 One night, I put 10 c.c.'s of Anarbital in Emilio's drink.
然后我离开了家，和我妈妈呆了几天。 Then I left the house and spent some days with my mother.
据说在那几天里 Supposedly in those few days
埃米利奥会逐渐死去的， Emilio would've gradually passed away,
但我回来的时候，他没有。 but when I got back, he hadn't.
我找了个便宜的诊所 I looked for a cheap clinic
问的问题不多，而且很远。 that didn't ask too many questions and was far away.
在那里我和埃米利奥永别了。 There I said goodbye to Emilio forever.
现在我们回到火车上 Now let's go back to the train
假设海尔加·帕托打开了萨纳古斯丁的红色档案 and let's imagine that Helga Pato opens Sanagustín's red file
寻找电话号码或地址。 to look for a phone number or an address.
假设她的眼睛找不到目标， Let's imagine that her eyes don't find what they're after,
但一些词立刻引起了她的注意。 but they see some words that immediately grab her attention.
躯体妄想障碍 SOMATIC DELUSIONAL DISORDER
我出生在河边 ... I WAS BORN ON A RIVER BANK...
我出生在河边 ... I was born on a river bank...
…潮湿使我的骨头变软了， ...and the damp softened my bones,
我一辈子只能都躺在床上。 forcing me to stay in bed for most of my life.
塑造人格的最初几年 Those first years of life that forge character
预测未来的行为 and predict future conduct,
我的背是平的。 I was flat on my back.
“没人能避免…” "No one will be able to avoid..."
生命被阿拉西里修女的不透明筛子过滤了， Life was filtered through the opaque sieve of Sister Araceli,
我的老师 my teacher.
我完全理解,但让我困惑的是 ... I understand that perfectly. But what gets me muddled is...
第二和第三...就像是... the second and third... it's like one is...
所有的东西都在三分之一之内。 is everything that's then inside a third.
-第三部分是第二部分。-没错。 - The third part is the second. - Exactly.
-就像俄罗斯娃娃一样。-就像俄罗斯娃娃。 - So, like the Russian dolls. - Like the Russian doll.
完美。我们去找我们的俄罗斯娃娃吧 Perfect. Let's look for our Russian doll.
好 Okay.
第三个俄罗斯娃娃是“必须发生的事”， The third Russian doll is "what has to happen",
这是个形容词命题 ... which is an adjectival proposition...
我从没上过学 I never went to school
或者和我年纪相仿的健康男孩有过接触 ... or had any contact with vertebrate boys my age...
…只有修女和护工在我住的房子里。 ...only with the nuns and the carers in the residence where I lived.
你能给我拿点水吗？ Can you get me some water?
我的经历总是错误的 My experiences were always false
属于阅读或电视屏幕上的其他人。 and belonged to others coming from reading or the TV screen.
佩特拉克，贝奎尔，加西拉索， Petrarch, Bécquer, Garcilaso,
特鲁法，贝托鲁奇 ... Truffaut, Bertolucci...
我还对社工提供给我的成人影片很感兴趣 I also took delight in the audiovisual fiction supplied to me by the substitute social worker.
所以，这个蜗牛孩子对这个世界有了概念 And so, this snail child got an idea of the world
还有奇妙的爱的宇宙。 and the marvelous universe of love.
在我不厌其烦地经历了无数次的医学试验和磨难之后， After many medical trials and tribulations, which I won't tire you with,
多亏了海湾战争带来的假肢技术的进步 thanks to advances in prosthetics as a result of the Gulf War
他们在我的身体里里外外都装满了铁。 they filled my body with iron, inside and out.
几个月后，我所在的残疾人协会 Months later, the handicapped association to which I belonged
组织了一次巴黎之旅。 organized a trip to Paris.
然后我去了巴黎。 And off I went to Paris.
我一到，相机就被偷了。 As soon as I arrived, my camera was stolen.
别跑! Hold it! Hold it!
罗莎，旅途中一个跛脚的女人，安慰了我。 Rosa, a lame woman on the trip, consoled me.
-你看到了吗？-你没事吧？ - Did you see that? - Are you alright?
是的，我很好。我分心了一会儿。 Yes, I'm fine. I got distracted for a second.
就一会儿。 Just for a moment.
然后她的拐杖被偷了 ... Then her crutch was stolen...
我不相信！同一个人！ I don't believe it! The same guy!
…我是那个让她擦干眼泪的人。 ...and I was the one who had to dry her tears.
可能看起来很傻， It'll probably seems silly,
但我很失望他们在巴黎说法语。 but I was disappointed that they spoke French in Paris.
每个人都知道这个细节， This detail, which everyone knows,
我所知道的任何一部小说都没有提到。 isn't mentioned in any work of fiction that I know.
当我和罗莎出去买新拐杖的时候， It became a nightmare
这成了一场噩梦。 when I went out with Rosa to buy a new crutch.
法国小姐... Lady of France...
我没想到在字典里查“拐杖”， It didn't occur to me to look up "crutch" in the dictionary,
这让我想到了 and that led me to figure in those kinds of episodes
当这些事情发生的时候是很可悲的 which when they're happening are pathetic
如果你当时和某人结婚的话， and which, if you marry the person with you at that time,
会变的有点滑稽可爱， become hilarious and endearing,
如果你不结婚， and if you don't get married,
他们会可怜你到死 they're pathetic until the day you die.
当时，我还没意识到，我越往上爬，我就越发扭曲可笑 At the time, I didn't realize that the higher I went up the ridiculous scale in my own eyes,
我在她对爱情的故事里，就越有看点。 the more points I made in hers in the account of love.
我们终于找到了新拐杖，精疲力尽，回到了酒店。 We finally got a new crutch and, exhausted, went back to the hotel.
在那里 Once there,
她帮我把人工骨架从胳膊和腿上取下来。 she helped me remove the orthopedics from my arms and legs.
没有他们，我感觉比我裸体的时候更赤身裸体， Without them I felt more naked than when I was naked,
被解构成后现代主义的鼻涕虫， deconstructed like some postmodernist slug,
如一滩液体 almost liquid.
她脱下了矫形鞋 She removed her orthopedic shoe
就像她在脱内衣。 as if she were taking off her underwear.
我们太累了， We were so tired by the effort,
我们躺在那里，很快就睡着了， ... we lay there on our backs, asleep,...
她一条腿比另一条腿长 she with one leg longer than the other
而我，没有我的骨架， and I, without my structures, helpless as a peeled prawn.
就像剥了皮的虾一样无助。 helpless as a peeled prawn.
我感冒了。 I caught a cold.
第二天，我不得不躺在床上 The next day, I had to stay in bed
她留下来照顾我,细致有加 and she stayed to look after me.
我看不出这种举动比慷慨更重要。 I couldn't see that this gesture was more than generosity.
我没有经验 I hadn't been trained
把跛脚女孩眼中的光芒解读为爱。 to interpret the gleam in a lame girl's eyes as love.
在我读过的所有书中， In all the books I'd read,
在我看过的所有电影中， in all the films I'd seen,
女人总是完美匀称的。 the women were always perfect and symmetrical.
他们没有缺点，当然也不跛脚。 They didn't have defects and they certainly weren't lame.
如果有的话，那些混蛋诗人，作家和电影制作人 And if they did, those bastard poets, writers and filmmakers
早就用文字或假肢把它们藏起来了， had hidden it with words or prosthetics,
对人撒谎，毁了我的生活。 lying to humanity and fucking up my life.
有谁能告诉我加西拉索或贝奎尔的哪首诗有缺陷， Can anyone tell me in which Garcilaso or Bécquer poem there are imperfections,
身体缺陷或不对称？ physical defects or asym metries?
我说的不是皮肤缺陷 And I'm not talking about skin imperfections
那是时间流逝的美丽痕迹，等等。 that can be a beautiful trace of the passing of time, etc. etc.
我说的是一条腿比另一条腿长，看在他妈的份上！ I'm talking about one leg longer than the other, for fuck's sake!
没人告诉我我对罗莎的感觉 Nobody told me that what I was starting to feel for Rosa
是真爱。 was true love.
我本以为会发抖，体内痉挛而发抖。 I was expecting to shudder, to shake with internal spasms.
虽然我一点也没感觉到，但我的爱是正当的， And as I didn't feel any of that, but a justified affection,
一种模糊的温柔，我告诉自己： a vague tenderness, I told myself:
“你感受到的不是爱，盖瑞特，只是怜悯。” "It's not love you feel, Gárate, only pity."
当罗莎让我和她上床的时候， ... And when Rosa asked me to sleep with her,...
…就像我第一次承诺的那样 ...as I'd promised myself to do it for the first time
我之前所说的只有和那个让我有感觉的人一起 only with the person who made me feel what I mentioned,
我拒绝了 I said no.
我拒绝了，但我们最后还是做了。 I said no, but we ended up doing it.
很不幸，我们做了。 We did it, unfortunately for me.
因为性对我来说和爱一样重要： Because sex happened for me the same as love:
我所知道的一切，第一次来的时候， everything I knew, when the first time came,
我从志愿护工给我带来的电影中学到了很多。 I'd learned from the films my volunteer carer brought me.
没有大胸和长腿。 No huge breasts or long legs.
好吧，有一条腿很长 Well, yes, there was one long leg
另一个更短的 and another shorter one.
罗莎没有像电影里的女人那样扑在我身上。 Rosa didn't throw herself on me like the women in fiction.
所以没有任何疯狂的动作 So there was none of that frantic activity
或是我熟悉的嚎叫。 or howling that was so familiar to me.
最糟糕的是最后一刻来临。 Worst of all was when the final moment came.
我做了很多性专业人士做的事。 I did what I'd seen sex professionals do so often.
我很惊讶于她的反应。 I was surprised by her reaction.
我是出于好意才这么做的。 I did it with the best of intentions.
听着 Listen...
她什么都没说。她穿好衣服就走了。 She didn't say anything. She got dressed and left.
我听到她不均匀的脚步声从走廊传来 I heard her uneven footsteps heading off down the hallway
我再也没见过她。 and I never saw her again.
她离开了旅行团， She left the Tour,
躲在幸运岛上，她来的地方。 and hid away on the Fortunate Isles, where she was from.
第三章 乘火车旅行的好处 CHAPTER 3 Advantages of Travelling by Train
你好，晚上好。我叫赫尔加·帕托。 Hello, Good evening. My name's Helga Pato.
我想给萨纳古斯丁医生留个口信。 I'd like to leave a message for Dr. Sanagustín.
-喂？-你好，我是安格尔·萨纳古斯丁。 - Hello? - Hello, this is Ángel Sanagustín.
安格尔? Ángel?
听着，我不知道你是谁或者你想要什么， Look, I'm not sure I know who you are or what you want,
但我能想象。 but I can imagine.
我确信我没有丢失任何文件。 What I am sure of is that I haven't lost any file.
所以求你了，别再打电话给我了。 So please, don't call me at the clinic again.
-你好 -我想我们在电话里谈过了。 - Yes. - I think we spoke on the phone.
原谅我不请自来， Forgive me for coming unannounced,
但我的遭遇并不是每天都发生。 but what happened to me doesn't happen every day.
显然你没有丢失这份文件 This is the famous file that apparently you haven't lost.
我告诉过你，那不是我的文件 I told you, that's not my file.
我希望你不要用这些东西来烦我。 I'd rather you didn't bother me with these things.
昨天我在火车上遇到一个人，他说他是安格尔·萨纳古斯丁， Yesterday I met a man on the train who said he was Ángel Sanagustín,
他是个精神病医生，在国际诊所工作， he was a psychiatrist, he worked at the International Clinic,
他住在加拉帕加 he lived in Galapagar
还有堆积如山的垃圾没人愿意清理。 and had a mountain of garbage that no one wanted to remove.
显然那个人不是你， Clearly that man isn't you,
但不管我在火车上遇到谁，他都认识你， but whoever it was I met on the train, he knows you,
他把这个文件放在座位上了。 and he left this file on his seat.
让她进来吧。那是我们的文件 Let her in. That's our file.
我很抱歉我丈夫有点唐突，但是... I'm sorry if my husband was a bit abrupt, but...
因为垃圾，我们和邻居有纠纷 we're having neighbor trouble because of the garbage
他认为电话 and he thought the call
是这个原因 was about that.
别担心，我完全理解。 Don't worry, I understand perfectly.
除非我搞错了， Unless I'm mistaken,
你在火车上遇到的人就是这个人。 the person you met on the train was this man.
他是我弟弟马丁 He's my brother Martín.
-马丁？马丁什么？-马丁乌莱斯 德贝达。 - Martín? Martín what? - Martín Urales de Úbeda.
所以你是阿米莉亚。你就是安格尔。 So you're Amelia. And you're Ángel.
我弟弟马丁病得很重。 My brother Martín is very sick.
理论上他应住在国际诊所里 Theoretically he's admitted at the International Clinic,
但他们对心理健康有很先进的想法 But they have very advanced ideas about mental health
他们说我弟弟必须自由出入， and they say that my brother must be free to come and go,
以让他更好融入社会。 so that he can integrate into society.
-他们说他是无害的。-他就是。 - They say he's harmless. - And he is.
他不会杀人的， He'd never kill anyone,
但他已经不是第一次做这种事了。 but it isn't the first time he's done something like this.
与人交谈是他康复治疗的一部分。 Talking to people is part of his rehabilitation therapy.
撒谎是他治疗的一部分吗？ Is lying part of his therapy?
取代人格？ And supplanting personalities?
迷惑别人是他的康复治疗的一部分吗？ Is confusing people part of his rehabilitation therapy?
如果人们相信马丁或其他人在火车上告诉他们的一切， If people believe everything that Martín, or anyone else, tells them on a train,
这是他们的问题，你不觉得吗？ it's their problem, don't you think?
还是你和他达成了诚实协议让他告诉你真相？ Or did you make an honesty pact that made him tell you the truth?
安格尔 Ángel...
马丁患有妄想性精神分裂症，有很多综合征。 Martín has paranoid schizophrenia with a wealth of syndromes.
没有情感障碍，但他性格分裂。 There are no affective disorders, but he has divided personalities.
他有错觉和幻觉。 He has delusions and hallucinations.
有时他感觉自己像别人，过着这样的生活。 At times he feels like someone else and lives as such.
通俗讲，就叫做人格分裂 In common language it's called split personality.
现在，照你说的，他活得像我一样。 Currently, from what you say, he's living as if he were me.
这些文件看起来像是精神分裂症患者的声明， The papers here look like statements by schizophrenic patients,
但这些都是无稽之谈，没有任何理由， but they're nonsense, with no rhyme or reason,
他编造的东西。 things he made up.
那是我在这儿的原因 That's the reason I'm here.
我对这些文件感兴趣。我想出版。 I'm interested in these papers. I'd like to publish them.
出版? Publish them?
我不在乎它们是不是真的。他们很棒 I don't care if they're real or not. They're good.
作为一名编辑，我觉得里面藏了一本好小说。 As an editor, I think there's a good novel here.
我想你应该和他谈谈。 I guess you should speak to him.
如果你找到他，别告诉他你来过这里或者你认识我们， If you do, don't tell him you've been here or that you know us,
还有，别叫他马丁，叫他安格尔。 and please, don't call him Martín, call him Ángel.
如果你愿意，我会告诉你地址。 If you want, I'll give you the address.
不用了 No, no need.
萨纳古斯丁医生？你还记得我吗？ Dr. Sanagustín? Do you remember me?
我们前几天在火车上认识的。 We met the other day on the train.
当然记得。 Yes, of course.
你很幸运能在这里找到我。 You were lucky to catch me here.
我是来检查马丁 乌莱斯 德贝达的文件的。 I've come to inspect Martín Urales de Úbeda's papers.
你想和我一起去吗？ Do you want to come with me?
我告诉过你这味道太难闻了。 I told you the smell was unbearable.
你会明白这一刻对我有多重要。 You'll understand how important this moment is for me.
跟我来 This way.
我需要更多的时间。 I'm going to need more time than I thought.
看 看 Look, look.
这里什么都有。 There's everything here.
有很多加密的数据， There's lots of data protection,
很多关于我们是否在网上被监视的讨论 lots of discussions about whether we're watched on the Internet
或者当我们用信用卡支付时， or when we pay by credit card,
直到我们不介意坐在厕所里 but then we don't mind sitting on the privacy of our toilet
揭穿我们人格最隐秘的一面。 and blithely supplying the most hidden aspects of our personality.
这是我们向他人敞开心扉的方式。 It's how we open our hearts to others.
我们只是一坨屎。 We're just a fistful of shit.
一坨屎和80%的水。 A fistful of shit and 80% water.
医生，我是拜访你... Look, doctor, I've really come to see you
是因为我读了你留在火车上的文件 because I read the file you left on the train
我希望能将它们出版 and I'm interested in publishing it.
-出版吗？-我是个编辑。 - Publishing it? - I'm an editor.
-编辑？-是的。 - An editor? - Yes.
太可怕了！ That's terrible!
到下周一... Next Monday it'll be...
我不看书就满七年零两个月了 seven years and two months since I stopped reading.
我以前读过书， I used to read,
但现在，当我用精神病医生的眼睛读的时候， but now, as I read with a psychiatrist's eyes,
我一个字都不信。 I don't believe a word.
似是而非令我厌烦。 Plausibility bores me.
为什么大家都知道书和电影不是真的， Why such an effort to make books and films seem real
却要让它们看起来像真的？ when everyone knows they aren't?
有一种叫做“不相信的暂停” ... Well, there's something called "suspension of disbelief"...
似是而非被高估了。 Plausibility is overrated.
据消防员说， According to the firemen,
现在还不知道起火原因 it's too soon to know if the fire was provoked
可能是因为垃圾中的气体自燃。 or due to the spontaneous combustion of gases from the garbage.
伙计们，进地下室还不安全！ Guys, it still isn't safe to go down into the basement!
地下室还有人吗？ Is anyone left in the basement?
马丁 Martín.
马丁 乌莱斯 德贝达。 Martín Urales de Úbeda.
他说他叫安格尔， He said his name was Ángel,
但他叫马丁。 but he's called Martín.
店铺转让 FOR SALE
你好 Hello?
是我 Yes, that's me.
我们会在额头上划一道口子 We'd make a cut here on the forehead
进入前额叶。 to access the pre-frontal lobe.
如你所知，这是一个非常微妙的操作。 As you'll understand, it's a very delicate operation.
所以我们需要你的授权。 So we need your authorization.
你在这里签字就行了。 You'd just have to sign here.
好 Good.
你想谈谈吗？ Would you like some conversation?